Putting on Your Oxygen Mask First
Taking care of developmental needs means looking after you, too
You've heard it on every flight: "Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others." Yet when it comes to supporting a child with developmental needs, this wisdom feels impossible to follow. You're so focused on being everything your child needs that you've forgotten you need oxygen too.
When you're constantly advocating, researching, attending appointments, and managing daily challenges, it's easy to lose sight of your own wellbeing. But here's the truth: burnt-out parents can't give their best to anyone, including themselves.
This isn't about perfect self-care routines or finding hours you don't have. It's about recognizing that your mental and physical health directly impacts your ability to support your child's development.
Signs You Need to Put Your Oxygen Mask On
Physical Signs
- Chronic fatigue that sleep doesn't fix
- Frequent headaches or tension
- Getting sick more often
- Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
Emotional Signs
- Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks
- Irritability or quick to anger
- Guilt about not doing enough
- Feeling isolated or disconnected
The Ripple Effect: How Your Wellbeing Impacts Your Child
When you're calm and centered, you model emotional regulation for your child. Your ability to stay patient during meltdowns directly supports their development.
Well-rested parents make better decisions about therapies, schools, and interventions. Burnout clouds judgment and leads to reactive rather than thoughtful choices.
Fighting for your child's needs requires sustained energy. You can't advocate effectively if you're running on empty.
Practical Self-Care Strategies That Actually Work
Forget the bubble baths and spa days. Real self-care for parents navigating developmental challenges looks different.
Micro-Moments of Care
- Five deep breaths before entering a therapy session
- Drinking your coffee while it's still hot
- Taking a mindful walk to the mailbox
- Listening to one favorite song with headphones
Boundary Setting
- Saying no to non-essential commitments
- Limiting research time to one hour per day
- Creating phone-free zones in your home
- Asking for specific help instead of doing everything yourself
Connection and Support
- Joining parent support groups (online or in-person)
- Scheduling regular check-ins with a trusted friend
- Finding a therapist who understands special needs parenting
- Building a network of respite care options
What to Capture with indi: Your Wellbeing Matters Too
While tracking your child's development is important, don't forget to notice patterns in your own wellbeing. These observations can help you identify when you need more support.
"Felt completely drained after the IEP meeting" or "Had more patience today after getting enough sleep"
"Felt overwhelmed managing three appointments in one day" or "Having my partner handle bedtime routine made a huge difference"
"Felt frustrated when therapist seemed dismissive" or "Celebrated small win with morning routine success"
"Deep breathing helped me stay calm during meltdown" or "Parent support group call was exactly what I needed"
Gentle Reminders for the Journey
Frequently Asked Questions
You don't need to be sure. Just capture what you're noticing with indi, even if it's just a feeling.
You can explore indi at your own pace, no pressure, just purpose.